Applying Boundaries in Ladies Gaelic Football

Heeyyyyy gaels, this is Emily.

Last post was about the over-accommodation pattern many female athletes carry. This one is about specific LGF situations where boundaries matter most.

With a coach who pushes too hard

Some coaches push hard because they care. Some push hard because they don’t see you as a whole person. Some have good intentions but limited awareness.

If a coach is asking for too much (extra sessions when you’re already at capacity, pressure to play through pain that needs rest, intensity that’s pushing you toward burnout), you have options.

What doesn’t work: silent compliance. You keep saying yes, your body breaks down, the coach is shocked when you collapse.

What works:

A direct conversation, not in the heat of the moment. After training, away from the group.
Specific language: “I’m at capacity this week. I won’t be at the extra session.” Not “I might be busy.”
Don’t over-justify. “I have a work deadline” is enough. “I have a work deadline and a thing on Thursday and my dog is sick and…” weakens it.
Be prepared for some discomfort in the response. That’s part of it.

[TO FILL IN — A COACH MOMENT]

A specific time a coach pushed for something you couldn’t sustainably give. What did you do? Looking back, what would you do differently?

With a teammate who leans on you

Some teammates lean on you for emotional support. Some lean a lot. There’s a difference between being there for someone and being their unpaid therapist.

Signs you’re carrying too much:

The same person comes to you with the same problem, repeatedly, with no movement.
You leave conversations drained.
You’re managing their match-day anxiety as well as your own.
You can’t bring your own struggles to them because they’re already full of theirs.

What works:

“I can listen for a few minutes but I need to be in my own head before training.”
“I think this might be bigger than what I can help with. Have you thought about talking to your GP / a counsellor / a sport psychologist?”
“I love you but I can’t be your only support.”

This isn’t cruel. It’s actually kinder than fake availability that eventually collapses.

With family who don’t understand the load

Many ladies Gaelic players have family who think the sport is a “hobby” and don’t understand the demands.

Patterns:

Family events scheduled on top of training without consultation.
“But it’s just a match” when you can’t make a dinner.
“Why don’t you just take the night off?” when you can’t.
Comments about being “too obsessed” with the sport.

What works:

Be clear about your training schedule weeks in advance.
Communicate what specific matches matter (championship vs league vs friendly).
Don’t get into justifying why the sport matters. You don’t need to win that argument.
Find the family member who DOES get it, even partially, and lean on them.

With work or college

The dual-career load is real. Wylleman and Lavallee (2004) documented how athletes who balance education or work alongside sport carry more cumulative load than full-time professionals.

Where boundaries help:

Don’t take work calls in the 90 minutes before training.
Block out training nights on your work calendar so colleagues stop scheduling around them.
Be honest with college tutors about competition periods, especially around exams.
Recognise when you can’t do everything at peak. You can be okay at work and great at sport, or great at work and okay at sport. Trying to be peak at both during championship is how burnout happens.

[TO FILL IN — A DUAL-CAREER CRUNCH]

A specific time when work / college and sport collided badly. What were you trying to hold? What gave?

With yourself

The hardest boundary is internal. The voice that says you should be doing more.

More training.
More gym.
More extra runs.
More analysis videos.
More everything.

This voice doesn’t actually want you to perform better. It wants you to feel like you’ve earned the right to rest. And it will never feel like you’ve done enough.

The boundary with yourself sounds like:

“I trained today. That’s enough for today.”
“I don’t need to do extra to deserve recovery.”
“If I’m tired, I rest. That’s the work.”
“The body that won the game last week is the same body. I don’t need to prove it again on Monday.”

This is the boundary most athletes underestimate. It’s also the most important.

What you can do this week

Pick ONE relationship where you over-accommodate. Coach, teammate, family, work. Just one.
Plan one specific boundary. Not a confrontation. Just a clear no.
Use the language tools in the Boundaries and Assertiveness Toolkit.
Notice the discomfort and what it tries to do. It will push you to renege. Don’t.
Notice what happens next. Most consequences are smaller than you fear.

References

Deci, E. L., & Ryan, R. M. (2000). The “what” and “why” of goal pursuits. Psychological Inquiry, 11(4), 227-268.
Wylleman, P., & Lavallee, D. (2004). A developmental perspective on transitions faced by athletes. In M. Weiss (Ed.), Developmental sport and exercise psychology: A lifespan perspective.
Bower, S. A., & Bower, G. H. (2004). Asserting Yourself: A Practical Guide for Positive Change (Updated ed.). Da Capo Press.

Looking for practical tools to use this in real matches?

Go to the Gael Performance Toolkit for practical tools related to this article.

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